What Happens In Vegas...

Time Keeps On Ticking

2011-05-04T00:10:00.000-07:00

US IN 2011, A FAMILY!!

JUST THE 2 OF US 12/31/05

Wow! I am really starting to see a pattern here. One of the worst things (In my opinion, anyways) one can be is predictable, and yet that is exactly what I have become. The pattern to which I am referring, and the way that I have become predictable is that I am a horrible blogger! It has been forever since the last time I wrote. 10 months to be exact, if I remember correctly! I guess I just feel that with social media, e-mail, and texting, everyone already knows what I am doing all the time. With Facebook, Twitter(follow me @gehrigsmom), and then just plain old e-mail, texting, cell phones, and dare I say it, land lines, I don't feel the need to post boring, tedious, mundane details of my life. However, when I started blogging, I wanted to do it as a way to be able to look back and read my own posts, as a way of recording our family from day to day.

I feel like I have nothing really significant to write. We have just been busy living life. For once, it's been extremely ordinary. After the last 10 years, I think that is something I should just relish at this point. This May it will be 12 years that Eric and I have been together, with our 10 year wedding anniversary coming up on October 19th. When I think back to May of 1999, and think about how far we've come in those 12 years, I see that we have been NON STOP since then. So maybe it's a good thing to have NOTHING going on for once. I am sure that my husband would not agree with me on my perspective of our life right now. For him, it's not so quiet. He is currently working harder than he ever did, and after going through 4 yrs of undergraduate school, graduate school for a year, medical school for 4 years, and a residency for 3 years, that is saying a lot. He is currently holding down 6 different jobs/titles. 1)staff physician for FES (Fremont Emergency services, 2)co-director of FES, 3)Director of Southern Hills Hospital Emergency room, 4)Co-director/Co-owner ACES (Advanced Care Emergency Services, which is in AZ, he works down there a week every month), 5)Medical Director of MedicWest Ambulance Services, and 6)Associate Professor of Emergency Medicine at Toreau University. All of this, and yet he still finds time to spend with Gehrig and me, and maybe even golf once in a while!!

I certainly miss having him around most of the time, because before he had all of these job responsibilities, we actually had a LOT of quality time together, so it's been an adjustment. At least it has been this way ever since Gehrig has been born, so it's all he knows, and it's all I know as a parent, if not as a wife. As a wife, we had lots of time together, because we were married 7 years and together 9 before G was born. But as a mom, I have always been pretty much on my own. I do have lots of help and support from my parents, so I really can't complain. They are in the process of selling their house in Albany, and they are moving to Las Vegas!! I am beyond thrilled, Gehrig is thrilled, and I know Eric is relieved because he knows how close I am to my parents, for starters, and he won't feel so guilty for not being here a lot of the time. I certainly do not have any resentment towards him in this department. I joke about being a "single mom", but it's all joking. Honestly, I am extremely grateful for how hard he works for our family, so that I don't have to, so that our son can have his mother home with him. That is the deal we made. He works outside the home and I work inside it. We're a team.

Gehrig is thriving. In May it will be a year that he has been in day care 3 days a week. I agonized over my decision to put him into day care, especially because I do not work, and there is no reason for him to go, (practical reason anyway). At first Eric was 100% against it also. Now, a year later, he has told me that it was the best decision I have ever made. The reason I did it was because G is an only child, and is going to be an only child. There is no chance of a sibling, and we are not going to adopt or have a surrogate carry for us, like we originally thought we would when G was just born. He has no cousins. All of our family is back east. He has no friends in our neighborhood. he is the only child on our street. I do have a wonderful group of girlfriends here, a group of about 12 of us, and we all have small children, the only problem is that they all live in Henderson, which is on the other side of town. We live in Summerlin. So while all my friends get together every day for playdates at the park and at each others' houses, I am a 15-20 minute car ride away. So we do get together with them about once a week, but the other 6 days of the week G was becoming very bored at home with just me all the time. When he was a baby, it was no big deal, because he had 2 naps a day, and the rest of the time was getting fed, changed, and in a bouncy seat or a jumparoo, or having tummy time, etc. But now that he requires more stimulation than that, I felt it was time to get him socialized. Time to get him used to being around other children, learn how to share, have a structured day, and have LOTS OF FUN in the process.

Saying that his day care, Kindercare, has exceeded my expectations is an understatement. He is not even 3 yet, and he can sing all of his ABCs, count to 15, can identify colors, shapes, numbers, and letters. He sings so many songs, cuts with (kids) scissors, colors, talks in complex sentences, has started being able to play video games, brushes his teeth, and is almost potty trained. He is a very caring and compassionate little boy. Very sweet, and adores his mommy!! (I'm melting). He shares well and at his parent/teacher conference his teacher told me that he participates in all activities eagerly, and that he's one of her favorites!! He gets music lessons on Mondays, and has started playing drums and piano. Our school district here in Las vegas is one of the worst in the country, so we are starting to look at Pre K and Kindergarten now. We will definitely be sending him to private school, although are not sure if it will be a parochial school or a private prep school/academy. BUT in order to go to one of these schools, in addition to it being very expensive, he also will have to interview, at 4 YEARS OLD!! THIS is precisely the reason I wanted to send him to "school" at less than 2 years old. Now that we have, he will be ready for those interviews next year.

So because he is in school 3 days a week for 8 hours a day, I have decided to finally get my license in NV to practice nursing. When we moved here, in 2005, I had just finished working as an RN in Pennsylvania, and in New York before that. I have NEVER not worked, since I was 15 years old. The reason I didn't get licensed in NV initially was because we planned on starting trying to conceive as soon as we moved out here. We were married in 2001, and shortly thereafter learned that our only hope of becoming parents was going to be through In Vitro Fertilization (IVF), which isn't covered by insurance and is very expensive, often over $10,000 per try. So financially we weren't able to try to conceive while Eric was a resident in PA in the early years of our marriage, and I was an RN. Once he got a job out here as an attending physician, we were finally be able to start trying to make our dream of becoming parents a reality. While still in PA, I had bought a book called "IVF, The A.R.T. of Making Babies", written by Dr. Geoffrey Sher, of the Sher Institutes For Reproductive Medicine (SIRM). This was the 1st book I read about infertility and Assisted Reproductive Technologies, namely IVF. I schooled myself on IVF, both through books and online.

It just so happened that SIRM had a location in Las Vegas (as well as many other cities in the US). Our luck couldn't have been better, the right place at the right time! So we moved here in June 2005 with plans to go to SIRM as soon as Eric started working and we saved enough money to start our fertility treatments. For anyone who has gone through fertility treatments, you know that in addition to being financially draining, emotionally draining, and physically draining, they also take up every bit of time you have. You literally have to go to the doctor's office EVERY morning during an IVF cycle to have bloodwork and ultrasounds, to monitor your hormone levels and follicle growth. You also have to give yourself anywhere from 1 to as many of 6 injections daily for weeks, sometimes the injections have to be given at EXACT times, not a minute sooner or later. So because of this, it was decided by Eric and me that I would not work, so that I could focus 100% physically and emotionally on getting pregnant.

Trying to get pregnant through fertility treatments is not a job I would wish on anyone, not even my worst enemy. It was the hardest thing I have ever gone through in my life, and after going through 22 open abdominal surgeries prior to getting pregnant, that is saying a LOT to say that trying to conceive was worse than being sick my whole life. I'd take a million more surgeries, or even 2 full time nursing jobs over going through IVF ANY DAY. And, in order to even START the IVF process, I had to have 3 surgeries on my tubes, ultimately I had both of my fallopian tubes removed, because even before we started our very 1st round of IVF they were wreaking havoc on my body, and my reproductive endocrinologist (IVF doctor), Dr. Fisch said that we would have better chances of success if they removed my tubes. So 2005 became 2007 before I ever even got pregnant. 3 surgeries on my tubes, 1 for a bowel obstruction, and 1 to remove my gallbladder, so 5 MAJOR abdominal surgeries in 2 years, not to mention countless admissions into the hospital for complications-without having to have surgery. Before we knew it it was September 2007, 2 years and 3 months after we had moved here, and we were going into our FOURTH round of IVF, and I had yet to get pregnant. This was also about $60,000 later.

In the end of September 2007, we started our 4th round of IVF. It was my worst round yet. Things were just not going well for us. The doctor couldn't figure out why I was not getting pregnant. With blocked tubes as my diagnosis, and those tubes now out of my body, it was fairly cut and dry what needed to take place. I needed to take shots daily of hormones that would stimulate more than one follicle to grow eggs. They would remove my eggs from my ovaries. They would mix those eggs with Eric's sperm. Those fertilized eggs would become embryos, and 3 or 5 days later be put back into my uterus. SIMPLE. Only it wasn't. The doc said that by all accounts, i should have been pregnant on the 1st or 2nd try. Why we were going into our 4th try was starting to puzzle even the doctor. I was getting more and more frustrated, anxious, desperate, and hopeless. One night I laid in bed with Eric and sobbed, apologizing over and over again to my husband for being such an inadequate woman, for having a disease that I had no control over, for costing us so much emotionally and financially over the past 2 years, with no end in sight. He just held on to me, telling me NOT to apologize, and telling me that he knew that I couldn't have children the day he married me, and that he'd do it all over again. I felt so guilty that this man, that I knew was going to be an amazing father, was going to end up living childless, all on account of me. I even told him that if this round didn't work, I was DONE. No more treatments, no adoption, no donor eggs, donor embryos, or surrogates. In fact, I even told him I was done being married. I wanted him to have the chance to marry someone that COULD give him what I could not. It would kill me, but because I loved him, I would make the sacrifice of letting him go so that he could be happy. It was a very dark time. I wasn't stimulating well, only had 5 follicles going into my egg retrieval, and the doctor didn't have high hopes that this round was going to be any different than it had been the last 3 times.

Imagine my surprise, about 3 weeks later, when I got a phone call telling me that I was indeed pregnant!! AND pregnant with TRIPLETS, Gehrig and a set of identical twins! What happened was we transferred 2 embryos into my uterus, and they both implanted, and one split, giving me Gehrig and identical twins. Sadly, I lost my twins, one never got a heartbeat, and the other one's heart stopped beating at 14 weeks. I found out I was pregnant on October 12, 2007, 2 years and 1 month after we had started on our quest to get pregnant. We had NO idea that it would take that long. I had a very long road ahead. A high risk pregnancy, many hospitalizations during it, a complete placenta previa, a horrible bleed at 31 weeks, preterm labor and complete bedrest from 31 weeks til 37 weeks 4 days when Gehrig entered the world on June 4th 2008, at 5 PM, weighing 6 pounds 11 ounces and 19 inches long! I ended up almost dying after giving birth and being in the hospital a whole month, while G came home with Eric, without me.

And next month it will be 3 years since the day my life changed forever and my miracle baby was born. 3 full years of feedings, diapers, baths, kisses, hugs, snuggles, LAUGHS, tears, and everything in between. The best 3 years of my life. I could never have imagined how much my life was going to change, for the better, back in 2007 when I found out I was going to have a baby. I could never have imagined back in 2005 when we moved here that it would be 2011 before some sort of normalcy would come back into my life, or that it would be 2011 before I would be going back to work as an RN, a job I loved so much and worked so hard to have to begin with.

So as I say all the time, "where does the time go?", It's time to sit and ponder just how fast it really does go by. Days become years and before you know it, many years have passed. I never truly understood the saying "the days are long, but the years pass by" until I became a mother. So now, I really appreciate that time seems to be slowing down somewhat. You never know when life can get so out of control crazy, so I am enjoying this time, this normal, ordinary time. Every mundane second of it. If I could make the time stand still altogether, i would, and I'd bottle up my baby's youth. But he will continue to grow whether I like it or not, so I can only remember to enjoy every MINUTE of it.

Summer Fun 2010

2010-09-16T20:46:00.000-07:00

Wow, has it been this long since I last posted?? I can't believe it is the middle of September already. I have to say, though, we are coming into the best time of the year here in Las Vegas, fall. It's WAY too hot to do anything much during the summer here. So now that it's fall our calendars have just been full of fun things to do. I will recap our summer, though, since there were some great times.

Most importantly, we took Gehrig on his 2nd family vacation, this time to Jamaica. Since he turned 2 in June, we thought he'd be the perfect age to go to Beaches Resort, a sister of Sandals resorts, but for families and children. For those of you with young children, you probably know Beaches is "a proud sponsor of Sesame Street". The resorts are Sesame Street themed for the kids, with all of the characters, and all kinds of activities, shows, etc. for kids.

I was worried about G being unruly on the plane, because he's 2 and doesn't sit still for very long. For this reason we took a red eye out of Las Vegas, with our initial flight leaving at 1:45 a.m. I can proudly report Gehrig got up at 11 p.m. after being put to bed at 8 p.m., and was fine at the airport, though stayed awake. Once we got on the plane, he promptly fell asleep. Score one for us on the trip down.

When we got there we went to explore the resort, and Gehrig quickly saw how much stuff there was for him, and we knew we had made the right decision. The beach was absolutely gorgeous, with silky white sand, and clear turquoise water. Gehrig very much enjoyed going in the ocean with mommy and daddy, and playing with his trucks and sand toys in the sand for hours.

On the third day of our trip, I got sick. I had a fever and sore throat, but my throat was so bad that I couldn't even drink or eat, so Eric looked in it and said I had better see the doctor at the hotel. This, coming from a very blase Emergency Room doctor was a little bit unsettling to me. He originally thought it was strep throat, but I got a shot of antibiotics and a shot of a steroid, as well as pills of both, and nothing was helping. So after another 24 hours Eric switched his diagnosis to peritonsillar abcess, and asked the doctor to please give me a different steroid, but the doc said that in order to get that medicine I'd have to be admitted to the hospital 2 hours away.

So I suffered through, as far as health goes. As far as trying to enjoy our vacation despite y illness, I get an A for effort and for performance!! I made myself get up every day and go do things to make memories with my family. I have to say, while I was distracting myself, it seemed to work, and I forgot how lousy I felt. We ended up having such a good time and making so many precious memories, especially where Gehrig's concerned. I am so thankful that we had the chance to be able to go on a vacation as a family and that we got to see our son enjoy himself so much.

Once back in the US, I went to the ER (of course Eric called the doctor in the ER to discuss me first, so I wouldn't have to wait forever in the waiting room). I was given the proper steroid, and dose, and pain meds, and I was better in 24 hours, at least my throat was, but the nasty virus decided to attack my lungs next. All in all I was sick for 16 days. I would be happy if I never got another virus like that again.

Now it's September and my little guy is back to school and absolutely loving it. He has grown so much over the past 3 months, since his 2nd birthday. He can count to 4, sing his ABC's, skipping a few letters here and there, but hey!! He knows all his colors, and he is like a parrot in the language department. This has mommy and daddy on their best behavior where language is concerned, so that he doesn't repeat what he hears from us!!

We're preparing for a visit from my two aunts next week and then the following week G and I are going to go back to NY with my aunt. We haven't been home in a year so I am really looking forward to seeing all my best friends and my family. I plan on taking Gehrig apple picking for the first time, and definitely want to play in the leaves with him!! I am also hoping there is somewhere that is having hayrides, so we can experience some of what upstate NY has to offer in fall. My son doesn't even know what leaves are, because we don't have them here in Las Vegas, at least not in piles in the yard!! I like showing Gehrig different things in nature.

Maybe next year, we'll introduce him to snow!!!!

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2010-07-24T16:34:00.001-07:00

The days of our lives

2010-07-23T18:45:00.000-07:00

As I said in my last post, I am really trying to blog more often. So here goes!!

It's been pretty routine around here. Eric's been working a lot, gehrig has been going to preschool 3 days a week, and, dare I say, liking it. He used to cry when I pulled in the parking lot, now he will walk in all by himself and wave "hi" as he passes by the front desk. He even naps there now! This is major progress! He's now almost 26 months old. Where does the time go?? Pretty soon we'll be potty training, FUN FUN!! He is already getting used to the potty at school, I am just of the belief that you shouldn't push it until he is ready, which will be closer to 2 1/2 or 3 years old. My Pediatric Nurse experience has taught me that, not to push milestones before the child is ready.

We're probably NUTS but we're taking Gehrig to Negril, Jamaica in August. We're going to Beaches Resorts, a sister company of sandals, only for families. they are a sponsor of Sesame Street and they have day care, nannies, children's activities, all the Sesame St characters, and water park. We leave at 1:45 a.m., YES 1:45a.m. So G should sleep on the way there just fine, it's the way back I am worried about. Wish us luck!

My husband is now the Medical Director for MedicWest, one of the largest ambulance companies in Las Vegas, in addition to his other 17 jobs. I see no reason to work that hard, but thank God somebody does!! This is my attempt to start being more funny/witty in my blog posts. I hope you can appreciate my dry sense of humor as much as I appreciate it!

Well, I must go fix dinner so I can get the little guy to bed! I have some good TV choices and movie choices to ponder.......

Talk soon!

It's been a LONG TIME

2010-06-05T00:33:00.000-07:00

It's Friday June 4th, 2010. Just another day, right?? Nope. It's my baby boy's 2nd Birthday!

I can not even begin to express my feelings right now. Happiness, sadness(that he's growing so fast), a little bit melancholic, excited to see what he does next, and finally, for the 1st time in a long time, CONTENTMENT.

I had a very hard time last year for Gehrig's 1st birthday. What should have been a happy occasion for me turned out to be the start of a "nervous breakdown" for lack of better words. I think you all know from my previous posts the horrible delivery and even worse days after delivery I had with Gehrig. I have blogged about it. I almost died, and that's putting it lightly. I had to stay in the hospital for a whole month while my newborn baby boy had to come home from the hospital with just his dad and my mom. At the time, I did what I had to do to survive. I had fallen off the proverbial horse one too many times and was quite adept at getting myself up, dusting myself off, and getting back on the horse. This was all just too much for me to handle this time. I had an ideal that I created in my head of what the "ideal" pregnancy, childbirth, and postpartum period were supposed to be. That is one of my biggest problems, I set really high expectations for myself and others. I am working on that, so as not to be so disappointed when life happens and it doesn't go my way.

This time last year, as we prepared for Gehrig's party, we had a tent set up in our backyard. Eric and I were out there, arranging the tables, and I just lost it completely. I sobbed as I explained to my husband that my baby was "gone" and that I had missed all of his important "firsts". The first feeding, diaper change, I wasn't even the first to hold him. I didn't get to dress him and put him in his car seat to take him home(Eric did it, while I was in the ICU fighting for my life). I never got to bring him into our home for the first time, introduce him to Oliver, our pug, show him his nursery that I had painstakingly controlled every detail of it's remodel, I didn't do the first bath, first walk in the stroller, the first all nighter. Daddy did all of these, while I lay in my hospital bed. The only thing it seemed I could do at the time was sit and ruminate on how unlucky I was and how unfair this all was.

Fast forward to a year later. Now, I am doing all kinds of firsts every day!!! First day of preschool, first drink from a real cup, first ice cream cone, first time going down a slide, first time on an airplane, first time in the shower, you get the drift. So while I missed the "first firsts" I am now feeling so blessed to even be here at all to marvel in my little genius-in-the-making(yes, I am biased). I wasn't supposed to be here. I was in septic shock and my prognosis wasn't good. Someone upstairs decided it wasn't time for me to come home to God, that I had important work to be done on earth. I have thoroughly enjoyed every minute of it, every mundane minute. I even enjoy the temper tantrums (for the most part), and putting Gehrig in time out. I really enjoy teaching him right from wrong and how to be polite and be a nice, loving boy. This is the hardest job ever, but at the same time, the most rewarding job I've ever had. What is amazing to me is when I see him share with another child, or show compassion when someone is crying or hurt, or how he loves his "Oyie"-Ollie so much. It makes me feel like I may not be doing such a bad job after all.

This didn't happen overnight. It's been a long process over the last year. I was diagnosed with postpartum depression when Gehrig was 1, partly because I didn't seek help sooner. I couldn't figure out if it was hormones, exhaustion, just being a new mom and adjusting to a new schedule, or if it ha something to do with all I went through after he was born. Shame on my doctors and even myself and Eric for not recognizing the warning signs sooner. I do know now since I have gotten treatment that it is the hardest form of depression to diagnose, for all the reasons I already stated, like are you just a normal tired mom or are you depressed?? I was also diagnosed with PTSD-post traumatic stress disorder, for reasons that should be obvious if you follow my story. The good news is that with regular visits with a therapist, a psychiatrist, and the right medications, I am back to myself, 100%

I bring this up because I think it is still so underdiagnosed and treated, and so many women suffer unneedlessly. I read Brooke Shields' book "Down Came The Rain", and that is what prompted me to get help. If I can help just one woman through this blog, then I have done something good.

G started preschool 2 weeks ago. He is a little sad in the a.m. when I bring him, but the teachers report that by 10 minutes after I leave him, he is fine and playing with the other kids. I did this mainly for socialization, so he can learn to share and interact with other kids. They also teach him ABCs, 123s, colors, shapes, animals, songs, they do art projects, they sing, they have circle time with stories and flash cards, so all in all it's good for him, even if Mommy cries when she leaves him! I am getting better as he gets better though! He's an only child, and doesn't have to share or play well with others, and I certainly don't want my child being THAT CHILD- you know the one- that nobody likes and the parents all can't stand secretly!! So we're nipping that in the bud so when pre-K and Kindergarten come he is a well mannered well adjusted kid. Plus they put them on the potty every 2 hours all day-THAT in itself is worth it's weight in GOLD!!! He hasn't gotten potty trained yet, he's only 2, but now he will tell you when he "poos" and he doesn't seem to like it, so he asks for his diaper to be changed right away. I hope that this is a good sign.

This Sunday is his birthday party. We're expecting 40 people. We'll have swimming in our pool(I hired 2 lifeguards), the ice cream man is going to come in his truck, we'll have games and food. More low key than last year but still a good time. It's supposed to be 107 degrees so the pool should be like 90 or higher, we'll heat it in the a.m. and we also have solar heating panels on our roof for the pool. The theme is CARS(as in Disney-Lightning McQueen). The kid says the word "car" like 1000 times a day! We got him his first power wheel, a blue and white mini cooper that goes 3 miles an hour and even has a car stereo in it! It's so cool, I always wanted one when I was little!

Lots to do leading up to Sunday. Costco, Target, Pottery Barn, groceries, etc. We'll get it all done, we always do. My parents are here from NY visiting and helping. My dad went to town on our patio. He painted the entire patio, cleaned all my teak furniture and oiled it, rented a rug cleaner and cleaned all the cushions for the outdoor furniture, cut our palm trees, and hung hanging flower baskets. The place looks amazing. I am so lucky to have such supportive helping parents that love their grandson so much.

We have our 2nd family vacation scheduled for August 28th to September 4th 2010. We are going to Negril, Jamaica. It's just outside of Montego Bay, VERY far away from Kingston, where there is a travel advisory due to drug wars. We're staying at Beaches, a sister company of Sandals, but for families. They actually sponsor Sesame Street, so the resort has all the Sesame St. characters. There is storytime with Elmo, baking with Cookie Monster, adventures with Grover, Counting with the Count, Bert and Ernie, Abby Cadabby and Big Bird, to name a few. We booked a character breakfast so G can get his picture taken with all the characters. They have a day care center thats open from 9 am to 6 pm, so mom and dad can go and sunbathe, snorkel, scuba dive, jetski, golf or go to the spa. then for $6 an hour after 6 PM you can get a nanny in your room to babysit so you can go to dinner as a couple! It's going to be great. There's also a waterslide park that Eric will love taking G to. G loves the water so he'll spend quite a bit of time in the pool with mommy and daddy! He's only 2 and he's been to NY 2 times, CT, Curacao, and now Jamaica. What a little world traveler!!

I have applied for licensure in Nevada for my RN, so I am planning on going back to work in the fall, just per diem, maybe like one 8 hour shift a week. Just enough to get my mind active again. I can NOT wait! Eric is the director of the Emergency Dept. at Southern Hills Hospital, as well as director for medical command for life flight helicopter at that hospital, he's a co-director of his private group of ER physicians Fremont Emergency Services, is part owner in ACES-Advanced Care Emergency Services, whic is in Arizona, and is taking over Medical Director for MedicWest, one of the biggest ambulance services in Southern Nevada. So to say he has his plate full is an understatement. Somehow, though I have no idea how, he still finds time for Gehrig and myself, as well as a little bit of hitting the links now and then!! I have just started working out at the gym with a trainer, and am doing so great at it, surprisingly so. I used to HATE to exercise, but I am finding ways to make it fun. And, lets be honest, having a trainer to be accountable to always helps!

Thats all for now, I must get some sleep! I promise to blog more often!! I really mean that this time. It's quite cathartic, actually. I may not be witty or funny, but I am working on it. Happy Summer to all my friends and family, I love you all. Thank you to my followers. I hope to increase my followers if I actually can sit and write every few days!!!

Bad Blogger!

2009-10-04T02:56:00.000-07:00

OK I admit I have been an awful blogger since I started, but have vowed to turn over a new link. My 1st one will be kind of short until I can find a happy medium between a 28 page post(for those that know me you know I am not far off the mark on this one), and a 2 paragraph one.

Heres whats been going on in a nutshell. G turned 1 on June 4th. I had a baseball theme party with a cotton candy vendor, Hawaiian shaved ice, a face painter, a clown that had a baby bunny to show the kids, and a balloon artist. It was a lso a monkey theme, we call G "Monkey" so had to throw that in there. Invitations were from www.invitationmonkey.com and she does such a fabulous job. The cake was so cute, from Swet Couture Bakery and delicious to boot. He had a blast and got way too many presents. Our friends/family are so generous and we love you all.

So he's 15 months, walking, talking, off the bottle, and starting to learn sentences and songs. We go to My Gym once a week(like those Gymboree classes) and he LOVES THEM, loves singing "itsy bitsy spider", "old macdonald"(especially the e-i-e-i-o or the "quack quack here and a quack quack there". He is still the best sleeper, Our typical schedule is as follows:

G up at 9:00 a.m.(yep I said 9)nap at 11 to 11:30(somewhere in there) until 1 to 1:30. then lunch.

3 or 3:30 down for 2nd nap.

Up at 5 or 5:30 and then we go run errands, and hit the parkevery day.

Dinner somewhere during this awake period from 5-9 PM>

Bed at 9 PM(I keep him up so late so he can see his daddy).

as for me, not much going on. was in the hospital from 9/2-9/13 and again just last week from 9/27 to 10/3. Bottom line, I need a hysterectomy, only not laparoscopically, I will have a full abdominal incision, vertical from my sternum to my pubic bone, TMI and fun fun fun).

We've decided to wait until after the holidays are over and have decided ti go another round or 4 of IVF, get my eggs, eric's sperm, make our embryos then freeze them for aater date, and find a surrogate to carry it.

My goal this year is to get more adept at using our camera, computer, photo printer, all things electronic I want to learn more so I can make photo books as gofts for grandparents or friends. my next goal is to by a mac as i really hate PCs now.

I'm trying to figure out what G will be for halloween. He was going to be Elvis and I had it all set up, but big mouth eric blew the surprise because his mom LOVES Elvis and we wanted to get photocards to send for Halloween that says "Viva Las vEGAS). nOW WHAT? Any suggestions??

i keep forgetting it's october as it's still high 90's to 100 here, no color changing leaves, no apple or pumpkin picking, etc. Christmas will be here before you know it, this will e the last one we stay home for, it'll be Aruba every year after this.

My folks are here helping. I go see the gynecology oncologist this week to talk about my surgery.

Off to watch some trash TV before bed, eric and my dad are golfing tomorrow so eric volunteered to get up with G and let me sleep till 9:30. When they get back my mom and I are going for mani/pedis, can't wait.

Here i am drinking a glass of pinot grigio and I never drink so it;s working it;s magic fast!

Happy Fall and I will be in touch!

Long Story Short(for once in my life)

2009-02-02T14:23:00.000-08:00

Everyone that knows me knows I love to talk, and write! I am notorious for VERY long blog posts and other posts on my online chats. I am going to try to turn over a new leaf and not bore people to tears with every tiny detail of my life!!

So my belly pains got me admitted to Summerlin Hospital on 11/30, and I got out on 12/6, at first they thought it was an abcess from the bowel rupture in June, but it ended up being an ovarian cyst the size of an orange. Now I have to be on birth control pills so I don't get any more cysts or this one doesn't get any bigger. I find that to be very comical, seeing as I can't get pregnant if I wanted to without IVF so I don't need birth control pills!!

Christmas was a whirlwind, and was so nice this year, even though gehrig was only 6 months. It was still so cool to finally have a baby in the house for these holidays. It was probably one of our best Christmases ever. Eric was off Xmas eve and day, and we went to friends both days. Then he was off new year's eve too so we went to Donna's house for that. he went back to work on 1/1 and worked pretty much every day from 1/1 to 1/22.

On 1/23 we left for our 1st family vacation in Curacao, and island right off the coast of Venezuela in the Caribbean, near Aruba. It was magical. We had the best vacation we have ever had. They had day care at the resort so G could go there to be put down for his naps and Eric and I could have some time at the pool to hang out and read. G loved the water, which Eric took him in every day. He loved having Eric and me to himself for 10 days even more!!

He finally said his 1st word, "da da". I have to admit I am jealous, I take care of him every day all day, why wasn't it "mama"?? Eric sees him for like 10 minutes a day a lot of the time. Oh well, that's ok.

I'll post more on our trip after I get out of this mountain of laundry, bills and other things I have to do now that we've been away 10 days!!

You'll have to excuse me...

2009-01-23T00:44:00.000-08:00

Oh my goodness, it has been 2 and a half months since I last posted.

I posted last on 11/7 so I'll just outline the important things that have happened since then. Gehrig and I went home to NY to visit friends and family on 11/14, and stayed for a week. eric had a conference in Dallas that week so I decided to go home, where I would have help with Gehrig, instead of staying here in Vegas by myself. It was the 1st time G flew and the 1st time everyone back home got to see him in person, including my brother, my aunts, uncles, and cousins, and my friends. We had a blast. My best friend Stephanie got me a room at the Springhill Suites by Marriott because her mother in law works for Marriott, so we had a suite, which was great, 2 queen beds, a seperate living room, little kitchenette, and bathroom. Then Stephanie brought to the suite before I even got in town a pack and play, an exersaucer, a bouncy seat, toys and all kinds of stuff for G so that I didn't have to carry everything we own (like I am doing later today when we leave for Curacao). We got to see Lisa(Koury) and her little boy Matthew, she is also expecting another boy any day now, Mr. Koury, Michelle(Gruhn), Kate and Chloe(it was the 1st time I ever saw Chloe). We saw Stephanie(Stiles), Roy, Matthew(my godson), Andrew, and Isabella(Steph's daughter, and Gehrig's future wife). It was my first time seeing Isabella and she is almost 2. Isn't that dispicable? I have been undergoing fertility treatments so long, then was in a high risk pregnancy, then almost died from delivery, that it took me almost 2 years to see her in person, of course I get pictures emailed to me and sent in the mail. She is a beautiful little girl with brown curly hair and big brown eyes, truly a pretty girl. I love to spoil her with cute clothes! She is my daughter by proxy!! When I go to Gymboree, I get Gehrig lots of stuff, but I also have to look at the cute girl stuff and then buy it all for Bella!!

My girlfriend Michelle had everyone over for pizza Sunday night, so it would be easier for me to see everyone instead of me driving to each person's house. It is so bizarre for all of us to be together just like we have always been since high school, only we're all married, with children, and with our own big beautiful homes. I really love the fact that I am still so close with so many people from grade school, middle and high school. I really feel very blessed that I have such great friends, they're really all more like family to me than just friends, we've been through so much together. As I sat in Mr' Koury's family room with Lisa, and we gossiped and chit chatted about this and that, I really felt a huge deja vu come over me. I thought to myself, "how many times in my lifetime have I sat in exactly this spot, doing exactly this?". We started when we were in 6th grade, so maybe 11 years old. Now we're 34 and she's pregnant with her 2nd, and has a toddler, and I had my 5 month old with me. We got to spend almost every day at least partially together, we'd go to lunch or spend the morning or afternoon together before I would go to my parents' house or to Stephanie's.

I got to go to the outlets in Lee, MA on my 1st day in town. before I went home, I called my sister-in-law and concocted a scheme to surprise my in-laws. Sarah got them to go to the outlets on Sunday under the ruse of she was taking her mom shopping for her upcoming birthday on 11/26. My mother-in-law, Jill, loves to shop so she didn't pass this up. I texted Sarah when we got to the outlets, and told her we were sitting in the very back of the food court, at a table across from subway. So she and my mother and father in law and her husband all walked to the back of the food court(again, Sarah just lied and said she needed to use the restroom before they all ate, and they all decided they needed to use the restrooms too). Once she saw me, my mom, Stephanie, Isabella and Gehrig sitting at a table, she said "oh, hold on, I see someone I know", and turned in towards our table. I was turned with my back to them and Gehrig was hidden. Stephanie could mumble to me that they were headed right for us. So I turned around and my mother-in-law saw me, then Gehrig(who, let's be honest, she was most excited about seeing), and she screamed!! It was such a great reaction! She actually started crying when she saw Gehrig. My in-laws came to Las Vegas when G was 6 weeks old in July, and they hadn't seen him since. So we all ate, then I let them take gehrig for the afternoon while my mom, Steph, Bella and I went and did some Christmas shopping. It gave my in-laws, and Sarah and Anthony a chance to have Gehrig all to themselves for a while and gave me a free afternoon.

Then we were supposed to have dinner on Monday night at my parents house and they were having my aunts over, but my Uncle Kevin got sick and got admitted to Albany Medical Center so that didn't work out for us. My Aunt Linda only got to see Gehrig on Sunday very briefly, but she fell in love with him!! On Thursday I went to meet Julie at the newly renovated(and beautiful) Colonie Center, and we had lunch at Cheesecake Factory. It was her 1st time seeing Gehrig and the 1st time she and I had seen each other in almost 2 years. I just can't believe how fast time flies by. It is so sad to me that that amount of time goes by between the last time I saw a friend or I came home and now.

Julie and I got to have a leisurely lunch and do some shopping, then my mom met us so she could take G and babysit him at my hotel, while I went out to dinner at the Barnsider with my girlfriends, Stephanie, Michelle, Julie and Lisa. It was so fun, we talked about our crazy single days when we all used to go out so much!!

I started to feel sick that night, and the next day it was time for us to go back to Vegas. We had breakfast with my brother and mom, then they took us to the airport, and we left. When we landed, we waited for an hour at the airport for Eric because he got in that same night. By the time we got home, I was really sick with a horrible cold. Thank God Eric had the next 3 days off, because I went to bed right when I got in the door, and never got out of bed(besides to go to the bathroom) until Monday night!! I had a very bad cold, horrible sore throat, sinus pressure, headache, horrible stuffy nose. That same Monday that I was getting a TINY bit better, Gehrig started coughing up a storm. Then Eric got it the next day. Poor Eric, he had just taken care of G for 3 straight days while I stayed in bed for literally 72 hours, and when he got sick he had to go back to work, so he didn't get to rest or just try to get better. Gehrig was horrible, coughing all night long for like 3 straight nights, so stuffy, I would suction his nose and get so much stuff out that it was disgusting!! All in all, we had the cold for almost 2 weeks.

That ran into Thanksgiving, which Eric worked and G and I went to our friend Donna's house to celebrate with her family. It was lovely and delicious. I missed my family and friends back east but we did ok.

I usually go shopping every Black Friday. I have been doing this since I was a little girl and my Grandma Schweigert used to take me every year to help me get my holiday shopping done for my mom, dad, and brother, and also so she could buy me my Christmas present, which she let me pick out every year. Even after my Grandma died, I still always went, to honor her because she enjoyed it so much, and I knew she'd want me to still go and still love it. She'd be so proud of me for getting great bargains!! This year, however, I didn't go for the 1st time in probably 20 years(since I was 14), because we were still not feeling 100% better.

On the Saturday after Thanksgiving, G and I ventured out to Target in the late afternoon at like 4 PM. On my way home after Target, at around 6 PM, I started to have these God awful belly pains. They came out of nowhere and because I am an expert at knowing whether belly pain is something very serious or not(because I have had 22 open abdominal surgeries), I knew that these pains were not good and that there was likely something extremely wrong.

I will continue this when I get back(in 10 days). We are leaving for vacation in about 3 hours and I have to go get some sleep or I am not going to be much help to Eric or Gehrig. Please check back to find out what happened to me with the belly pains. I'll write again on February 2nd, for now we're going to the Caribbean.

Addictions and other vices...

2008-11-06T23:56:00.000-08:00

OK, as I sit here at almoxt midnight I am thinking to myself, you should seriously be asleep by now and not still on the internet, namely on facebook and reading the blogs that I follow.

Perhaps this is why I haven't read a book for my book club in over 8 months?? I say I have no time, but I do get some free time, even with a 5 month old(I am not saying it is a lot, but still), and yet I still manage to never finish a book on time for book club.

This couldn't have anything to do with the SEVENTEEN magazine subscriptions I currently have or for the close to TWENTY programs I have to TiVo weekly. And it most certainly has nothing to do with the approximately 20-30 hours per week I spend online just fooling around either.

Right, I will just keep telling myself this to make myself feel better.

I am not going to even get started on my addiction to Gymboree or even clothes for a certain 5 month old knockout altogether.

Last night I went and had my hair colored, highlighted and cut, like i do every 6 weeks, and I get a whole 3 HOURS to myself to read said magazines mentioned above. After I went in to Gymboree because they are starting their "circle of friends" discount today. That's 30% off everything for those of you that don't know these things. I needed to be in there like I need a hole in the head. Of course i found about 10 more outfits that I just HAVE to have for G. The only thing I feel good about when it comes to this addiction is that I can either give it to friends or family or sell it on ebay after.

And let's not even get into what I bought at Along Came A Spider, a very chic child's boutique here in Vegas.

I know one thing is true, people always told me when you have a baby you tend to do everything for them, including buy things when you go out shopping. I don't really buy clothes for me anymore, except for the 3 full shopping bags I took home a few weeks ago. If you can't tell my sarcasm, that was it...

OK, now I really must get off the computer and get to bed before I am trying to make G watch Sesame Street while in his jumparoo in the a.m. so I can doze while he watches, because I can already tell he hates it when I do that!!

Oh, and did I mention my IPod addiction?? I'll save that for another day...

An early Thanksgiving.....

2008-11-02T22:41:00.000-08:00

I am in a bit of a reflective mood tonight as I sit here and ponder how fortunate I am. I just tucked my sweet baby boy into bed and watched him stare at his new crib toy. He rolled over for the first(and second) time yesterday, so I figured today was as good a day as any to take his bumper pads out of his crib. Since they're a SIDS risk, and he can now move and bury his face into them, I decided I had better get them out. I bought him the Fisher-Price ocean wonders aquarium, so Eric hooked it onto the crib siderails. When I turned it on for him tonight he just stared at it, as if he was in a daze. He didn't even take his pacifier, and he always takes it for sleep. I left the room and haven't heard a peep out of him since.

It's a beautiful fall night, crisp cool air, clear sky, lots of stars and a bright moon. My favorite kind of night, and fall is definitely my favorite season. As I looked up at the beautiful sky at the stars and the moon, I said the "star light, star bright, first star I see tonight" prayer. My prayer this evening was that God continue to bring Stacy and Spencer some kind of comfort and healing, and to bring them something truly wonderful, and sooner rather than later if possible.

I don't even know Stacy and Spencer, but I follow Stacy's blog, and their story haunts me, I just can't seem to forget them, or their sweet baby boy(who is no longer on this earth). The blog is under my list of blogs I follow, titled He Will Carry Me, in case anyone wants to read it.

Every single time I get frustrated, or am really exhausted, or wish I could just get a moment to myself to pay a bill, call a friend, or even take a shower, all I have to do to remind myself of how blessed I am is think of Stacy and Spencer. And I do this, so often. The first night I ever stumbled upon the blog Stacy writes was a really awful night for me. Eric was working, and Gehrig cried for about 4 hours straight. He was sick from getting all of his 4 month vaccines(even though being a pediatric RN and Eric being an ER doctor told both of us that babies don't get sick from vaccines-yeah right, they do). It's really just a heightened immune response that happens, and a fever may develop, they may be sore at the injection site, and could have some aches or joint pain. I gave him Tylenol every 4 hours, not the dose on the bottle, but the REAL dose you can give infants, based on their weight(that I know from work and the bottle doesn't tell you). By the 3rd hour of G's crying, I was on my reserved nerve. I was getting so annoyed and just really wished he'd fall asleep, mostly for his sake, but definitely for me too. So I was reading a friend's blog, and she had made a reference to Stacy and Spencer, and so I clicked on the link, and proceeded to read the ENTIRE blog.

I then sobbed and sobbed, and I went and picked up my little cranky sick boy, and I just held him so close to me. I must have cried and rocked him for a good hour, and he fell asleep. I begged God to forgive me for being short tempered with my little guy, how could I be so ungrateful when there are people out there suffering so much, and would do just anything to hold their child for one more minute? I felt horrible.

I was telling my mom of this the next day, and she reminded me that it was completely normal to get frustrated once in a while. New moms from here to the North Pole would probably agree, some days are really frustrating, it's not that you don't love your baby, it's just that one can only take so much. I guess I agree, but it wasn't that long ago that I was still going through IVF. I prayed and prayed to God to give me a child. I used to say "if I could just have ONE baby, I'd...." In essence, bargaining, which you aren't supposed to do with God, although I am sure many do it. It always made me sick that people could have children and abuse them or neglect them, when I so badly wanted one and could not have one. I always wondered, how does that work, why do THEY get to have kids and be horrible to them, while someone like me or Eric(who would just adore a child) gets all the hurdles to jump over or hoops to jump through? Why is God doing this to us?

I have been a Catholic all my life, although really only started truly practicing in the last 12 years or so. I never made my confirmation when I was in Jr. high school like the rest of my friends, I made it at the age of 21, and it was my decision to do so. It was around the time I really started getting sick and always being in the hospital that I really needed to have a higher power to turn to, to ask to heal me, and to have faith in that things would get better. My mom and I started going to mass every Sunday for quite a long time, and I started to go and talk to my priest on a regular basis too. I definitely can say that I questioned God's plan for me and that there even was One over the last 2 years when I was trying so hard to conceive. And according to strict Catholic belief, pursuing IVF was not natural and I shouldn't be doing it. I even asked my priest about this, and he said that he actually believed that God would not have made scientists discover that IVF works if He hadn't meant for people to use it. Thank God for that, now I could continue, guilt free.

When we first found out I was pregnant, we really thanked God and I was just so excited I could barely contain it. About 10 days later we found out that the 2 embryos we had transferred not only had both implanted, but one had split, so just the very situation we were trying to avoid had happened, we were carrying triplets. I couldn't believe my bad luck. I thought to myself, "is this some kind of sick joke?", and "is God really trying to test me?" There was NO POSSIBLE WAY I was going to have selective reduction(in essence, abortion of one of the fetuses). At the same time I KNEW my perinatologist(high risk OB doctor), Dr. Adashek was never going to go for me having triplets. It was going to be enough of a medical nightmare for him(and me) to even have one baby. Again, Thank God that I didn't have to make that decision, the next time I went for an ultrasound, 1 week later, one of the babies had never developed a heart beat, so I was left with twins. This was way more manageable, still not ideal but manageable.

Sadly, at 13 weeks. 4 days, my other identical twin lost it's heartbeat, and I was left with one strong, healthy baby. I was honestly sad and devastated by this, but knew at the same time, that it was going to make my pregnancy that much easier, and would likely ensure that my singleton would be born without complications(to him, not me). Now I think of my son's identical twin siblings all the time, as my angelbabies in Heaven, and as Gehrig's guardian angels. I know that they watched over him after his birth and watched over me after giving birth, and were the angels that guarded me from dying when I got so sick after having G. They knew I had a baby here that needed me, and they carried me through all the hard times.

So when I find myself feeling a little bit down, just like any new mom does from time to time, all I have to do is think of Stacy and Spencer, and think about what she wouldn't give to hold her little boy for just one minute more. I know I may be being hard on myself, as every mom feels sad or frustrated or exhausted at one point. It's just that I get really mad at myself when I feel anything but grateful, or joyful, or humbled by what I have been given.

So that very first night I stumbled on to the blog, I believe it was a sign, maybe my guardian angels or even God himself whispering to me, "slow down", or "think about everything you have", and I really needed that that night. I needed to be knocked down a few notches, to be put in my place and made to realize that I was damn lucky and that things can always be 100 times worse. I really try to remember this every day, and I try to always be mindful of how fortunate I am. I am lucky to have a beautiful, healthy baby boy, I am lucky to have such a wonderful family and the best friends anyone could ever have. I am lucky to have a roof over my head and food in my pantry. I am lucky to be able to put gas in my car or to be able to go out once in a while for some "me time" or a "date night" with my husband(who I am also SO lucky to have).

My grandmother recently found out that she has 3 aneurysms on her brain, and last Tuesday underwent a craniotomy to tie off the aneurysms. (that is where they have to remove the bone plate from the skull, and go into the brain to tie off the aneurysm). She is 73 and in general good health, but we all were very worried nonetheless. I knew she'd be ok(first because Eric told me she would and second because I know what a fighter she is). Well, she is ok. It is going to be a long road of recovery, with rehab-physical and occupational therapy, home health care nurses coming to her house, and a lot of work on her part to heal and get better, but I really feel she will do just fine.

So as I sat here this evening after I put my gorgeous baby boy to bed, I just looked at the stars in the sky and thought to myself, I have so much to be thankful for this year. God is good. I am so blessed. Not many people can actually say that they take the time to sit down, slow down, and just reflect on how good they have it, but I can, and I do.

So as I go to sleep tonight I'll pray for Stacy and Spencer and anyone else that is suffering a horrific loss, and I will hug my husband a little tighter and thank God for what I DO have.

It's About Time...

2008-10-20T15:16:00.000-07:00

I was supposed to start this blog a long time ago, when I got pregnant to be exact. I am a bit of a procrastinator and before I knew it, it was April and I was almost due. I wan't going to start it that late, I would have way too much to write about then. It seemed that it all went by so terribly slow, until April 12th. That was the day I was at my friend Lisa's baby shower and I started bleeding very badly. I went to the hospital and was admitted to Labor & Delivery with a placenta previa bleed, preterm labor, and possible leaking of amniotic fluid. I was 30 weeks to the day when this happened. I remember saying "oh, baby, slow down, you can't come yet. You still have some cooking to do, and we aren't ready for you yet." I cursed the day that I wanted this to be all over. I was extremely swollen, had horrible heartburn and nasal congestion(which I learned is quite common in pregnancy). I hadn't been able to breathe out of my nose since October. I was miserable, and this was putting it lightly. And yet when the time came that I would possibly meet my child 7 weeks earlier than my perinatologist, Dr. Adashek wanted me to, I was terrified. It's kind of funny actually that I had this reaction, as I have tons of experience with premature babies. In my previous life, before IVF and a high risk pregnancy, I was a pediatric nurse. I worked in the NICU(Neonatal Intensive Care Unit), the PICU(Pediatric ICU), and on general pediatric floors, taking care of kids with everything from cancer to dehydration and everything in between. I knew exactly what a 30 week infant looked like, and exactly just what my child would go through and have to overcome before leaving the NICU, and yet I still did not want to meet him that day. As I sat in the "triage room" of the Labor &Delivery floor at Summerlin Hospital alone, I kept bargaining with God that if he would just let my baby stay where he was for a little while longer, I'd do my part to keep him safe inside me. I was alone because Eric was working and he had to get a physician to come in to the ER so he could come and be with me. People are instinctively good when things like this happen, as he actually was by my side no later than 30 minutes after I got there. We were waiting for Dr. Adashek's partner, Dr. Pierce to come in and tell us what was going on and if I was going to likely be meeting my baby any time soon.

She came in and the news was kind of ambiguous. They really "couldn't tell" if it was amniotic fluid that leaked or not. "The litmus test" on the Qtip said it was amniotic fluid, but then the doc told me it could be urine too. "GREAT", I wondered to myself, "what the hell is the point of a test if it isn't definitive"?? The only way we'd know for sure was if she measured my fluid on ultrasound and then measured it again tomorrow, and if it was significantly less, then there was our answer, it was leaking.

Long story short, it wasn't amniotic fluid as it showed the next day. I WAS, however, contracting. I was started on Terbutaline, or as I'd like to better call it, "speed". It is the absolute worst feeling to be on that medication and be so jittery. I had to laugh at the nurses because I was on a fetal monitor, and I had to sit very still, because every time I moved, we lost the tracing of the baby's heart beat. Have you ever tried to stay still on 20 cups of coffee, or on methamphetamines?(just an inference...), IT IS IMPOSSIBLE to stay still on a drug that makes you feel as if you are climbing the walls.At around 5 a.m. 3 nurses rushed into my room, dropped the head of my bed all the way down to flat, put an oxygen mask on me and turned me on to my left side. I was barely awake, so I asked, "does anyone want to tell me what is going on, or should I guess"? My nurse said your baby's heart rate keeps dropping. We have a call in to the doctor and she called and is on her way. Do you know how fun it is to try to breathe with a stuffy nose and lay completely flat? Not fun at all.

Well, she gave me a 50-50 chance I'd deliver that day and said I should call Eric and make sure he has someone to cover him in case he had to get to the hospital fast.

He didn't have to come, and I didn't deliver, I went home on bedrest 3 days later.

Next the funniest thing happened, all preterm labor signs and symptoms stopped. Completely stopped. I got to 35 weeks and I was thinking to myself, it would be ok if I went this early. My son had other plans. I ended up making it to my June 4th due date. When I got admitted that morning for my C-section, my son must have thought he was funny, because I actually went in to labor and contracting every 3 minutes. I guess he was making sure that come hell or high water, he was getting out of my uterus TODAY. I was scheduled for 5 PM, but the doc came to get me at 3:30, saying he would take me then as the lady that was supposed to go before me was going to be a complicated case.

HA HA HA HA! I have to just laugh at the sheer irony of that last statement. Lets just say I wasn't an "easy" case. I was already being operated on in the main OR(not the one on L&D floor) because of all of my surgical risks and complications. Dr. Adashek prepared for every complication. There was a surgeon with him to help with my scar tissue. There was a urologist there to put stents in my ureters so my bladder didn't get cut(again)-which is another LONG story.There was the anesthesiologist, my perinatologist, 2 scrub nurses, one circulating nurse, a nenatologist(NICU doctor), in case the baby got into trouble, and 2 NICU nurses to take the baby right away. They told me they would bring him to the NICU for "transition" and then if he was ok I could have him back with me in my room in the a.m. Eric axtually said that he had never seen that many people in the OR for a routine surgery. I was in good hands.

The anesthesiologist tried 5 times to get my Spinal to work and numb me from the mid-belly down. It never did work, so I had to be put to sleep, thereby missing my son's birth and first cry, and first minutes in the world. I told Eric that no matter what was happening with me, that he was to go with the baby. I said it didn't matter if I was dying, he had to stay with our baby and make sure he was ok. So, I woke to the scrub nurse telling me my baby was perect, healthy, and was just taken to the NICU for some mild fluid in his lungs-par for the course with c-section births.

The next time I woke up Eric was with me, and he was telling me how beautiful or baby was, that he weighed 6 pounds, 11 ounces, and was 19 inches long. Then the recovery room nurse said there was a problem and I was bleeding more than I should be and my uterus was not contracting back down. I spent the next 5 hours being human bread dough, having my uterus kneaded by about 5 people, mind you I have a fresh stapled incision, so that was quite a lot of fun, let me tell you. I ended up getting 2 units of blood, and I never did get to see my baby that night, I never got back to my room until almost midnight, almost 8 hours since i had gone down to the OR with my baby still inside of me. I can not even put into words how unbelievably lonely and sad I felt that night. Most moms feel somewhat sad that they can no longer feel their baby move inside of them, but could counter that with the joy of being able to hold and snuggle with their babies. I didn't get to do that either. He was in the NICU and I was too sick to go to see him.

5 days later my entire world was turned upside down as I was rushed back into the OR for surgery. I had gotten progressively sicker in the days after G's birth. Nobody would listen to me when I kept repeating over and over, "something is wrong here." Even Eric thought I was fine at first, but when I was getting no better, and getting MORE swollen instead of less, my pain was getting worse instaed of better, and I kept needing blood transfusions he started to listen too.

Lo and behold, on June 10th at 2 PM, my incision opened up all on its own, around the staples. My small intestine had perforated. That means there were 3 holes in it. Not a good thing. Thank God Dr Adashek and Dr Simon were able to fix it, without permanent damage. But that doesn't mean that my "perfect birth" ever materialized. It was horrible, I wanted so much for it to be so different, and it sure proved me wrong.

To all of my family and friends, thank you from the bottom of my heart for all you did for Eric, my mom, and me during that horrible time. We could not have survived this horrible crisis without the help of everyone of you. For everything from watching G so my mom or Eric could come to see me, coming all the way to the hospital to see me and cheer me up, and just calling every day to see if we needed anything. I really believe that your true friends show up in times of crisis just as much as in calm times, and I know I have a LOT of friends, because the help we got and the care and concern, cards, thoughts and prayers were unbelievable, they are still coming in to this day. I feel very blessed to be ok and still alive, to have my miracle baby, and to have the greatest friends and family a girl could ever hope for.

So I was in the hospital a month, G came home after just a week with my mom and Eric, and I stayed to get better. I was supposed to be having surgery in September again, as closure to all of this stuff, but miraculously, I healed, and will not need surgery again. The doctors were amazed that I healed without the need of the 2nd surgery to close everything up.

So this is why I haven't started my blog before now. I have been just a tad bit busy dealing with the high risk pregnancy at first, then just trying to stay alive so I could be a mom to ny son, and now it's crazy every day here for obvious reasons. I will say that my sweet baby boy is the love of my life, and such an angelbaby. He is always smiling and(now) laughing. He sleeps through the night from 8PM to 7 AM and this morning actually slept until 8 a.m. He also takes 2 or 3 naps a day each being 1-2 hours, so I do have a very easy and good natured baby.

Now if I had a tool that would let me stop stime, I would, just so I could spend all my time loving my baby. I am already so sad that he's almost 5 months old. He is now eating cereal and vegetables, as well as formula. He holds his head up so well and is now standing up on his feet if you hold him that way. He loves his baths and just laughs and laughs at me when I sing "splish splash" by ELMO during his bath. Yes, I am officially a dorky parent, I just downloaded ELMO's greatest hits on to my IPOD so I can sing the songs to him and make him laugh. In my defense, I do have the "rockabye baby" CDs, that are instrumental covers of bands like U2, Coldplay, Led Zeppelin, The Beatles and the Beach Boys. I have the U2 and Coldplay ones and he likes them a lot too.

So I am going to try to keep up on this, keep it updated and current, so please bear with me as it's my 1st blog. Also, please see the links to the other blogs I follow and check out the one titled "I will carry you" or "He will carry you". I forget the exact title, but it's a link of the blogs I follow so you can just click on it. I will warn ahead, it is a tearjerker, but I haven't stopped thinking about Stacy and Spencer, and their son Isaac since I read the whole blog. I think it is important to see things like this and see how well and with such grace it was handled by the parents. I know the other day I was getting frustrated because no matter what I did, G cried. Then I went and read this(from a friends blog link), and it was telling me to take a step back and enjoy the moment you are in now. That means enjoying the good as well as the bad. Well I just wanted everyone to see and read this beautiful story tonight, and to let everyone know that I hugged my child a little bit harder today, and when he slept in his crib, I stood over him and watched his angelic face, then I cried tears of joy that I have him at all, and also tears of sadness for Stacy and Spencer, that they won't get to spend that kind of time with Isaac, They are a true rxample of how to live, how to love and how to endure. I hope that God has some great surprises and treats in store for them, they certainly deserve it.

Nicole